I see it every day. You moved to this area 20, 30, 40, 50, 60 years ago and now the time has come that the big house you have is too big, too much to care for, it needs lots of repairs, the yard is overgrown, the neighborhood has changed, you can't do stairs as well as you used to, your kids have moved to a more affordable area: you get the picture. You've been thinking about it for years. You've been talking it over with your friends and family. You've gone over all the options: Do I stay in this house and ‘age in place'? Do I leave the area and move near other family? Do I move into a condo downtown so I can walk to coffee? Do I look into facilities that offer staged options (Independent Living to Assisted Living to Memory Care)? How much will it all cost? What do I do with all my ‘stuff'? Bottom line, it's a big decision and it is surrounded with emotions. It's not an easy decision. In my practice, I see the most successful transitions happen after many months of thoughtful, rational discussions with the key players in people's lives: Their partners and family, their financial planners, Trust/Estate attorneys, etc. This combined with thorough research of all the options available, helps take the mystery out of a potential move.
I see 3 main ‘buckets' to address:
The WHAT: What is the best downsizing option for me in my current situation and my situation looking forward 5 to 10 years?
The HOW: This often boils down to "What do I do with all the stuff in my 2-3-4,000 sf house that won't fit into my new digs?"
The EMOTIONAL: This is actually the hardest. It is not rational and it is hard to quantify. It often gets in the way of the WHAT and the HOW. And, it often takes time to get through to it so that you are in a situation where the move becomes the right thing to do and not the emotional thing NOT to do.
Here are some aspects of downsizing that people often don't recognize until they are in the middle of it:
- Everything in your house has a memory attached to it. Often, throwing things out feels like throwing away people.
- Your children don't want your china, crystal, furniture, their old artwork, or grandpa's old tools. That realization hurts.
- Moving to a smaller place often means losing your big garden, your garage and the space that defined your independence.
- The stairs you climbed all those years become a medical risk. That's a tough pill to swallow.
- Smaller spaces mean less space for visitors, family, heirlooms, etc
- Moving away from your neighborhood means leaving those neighbors who checked in on you without being asked. New friends will need to be made.
- New Buyers see square footage, lot size and outdated bathrooms and kitchens that need to be upgraded. You see the family room where you shared your life.
- Realizing that the chapter of life that filled your house with memories is closed…that's the hardest part.
Getting through these emotional ups and downs is hard. That said, once you work your way through it and don't fight the change, I see that most people are quite happy with their new life. They make new friends. Their wants and needs change. Often whole new worlds of possibilities and opportunities open up. Remember that resiliency that you tried to teach your children about? Now is the time to apply it to YOUR life.
